It’s been a while since Gwyneth Paltrow’s wardrobe has generated a media frenzy. These days, most tabloid column inches are dedicated to the credibility of her Goopian self-care gimmicks— hello, rectal ozone therapy, jade eggs, and magic mushroom seminars. Not since the gothic Alexander McQueen gown that Paltrow wore to the Oscars in 2002 has the internet’s favourite wellness fanatic garnered this level of interest in her outfits.
They’re neither exuberant nor outré, but rather pared-back, pristine, and perfectly pitched for a courthouse in Utah, where the Oscar winner has been giving testimony in a civil case brought by Terry Sanderson, a retired optometrist she collided with on Deer Valley’s Bandana Run back in 2016. (Sanderson claims Paltrow caused the crash, which he says left him with life-altering injuries and is seeking $300,000 in damages. The actor denies the charge and is countersuing for $1 and her legal fees.)
Legal arguments aside, people have been drinking in Paltrow’s courtroom style the way Gwyneth would a steaming cup of bone broth. Here, five things she’s taught us about getting dressed for court.
Go stealth wealth.
It’s timely that this week should see the return of and the Roy family’s always on-point demonstration of quiet luxury dressing. Think sumptuous fabrics and organic hues. Less bells-and-whistles logos and prints, more blow-the-budget, low-key-but-lustworthy Brunello Cuccinelli, Loro Piana, and The Row.
Remember when Martha Stewart turned up to court for financial crimes in the mid-aughts, holding no less than a chocolate-brown Hermès Birkin bag? Cardi B has also accessorized her court appearances with a mind-boggling number of Birkins. For Paltrow’s In Goop Health summits, she’s favored bohemian summer dresses and dopamine dressing—but in court she keeps it natural and neutral, in khaki, navy, tan, gray, or white that’s as pure as snow.
Accessorize
Stealth-wealth style doesn’t have to mean skimping on accessories, as long as they’re timeless, classic, and—in Paltrow’s case—chunky. Gwynnie-literally-in-chains paired an unlined leather shopper and belted après ski-chic cardigan with a commendable collection of chain and pendant necklaces and bracelets. And the only way to take notes during a trial? Scribbling in a sizeable Smythson notepad.
Wink to your audience
The internet has made much of the sizeable aviator glasses Paltrow wore on her first day in court. While their comparison to the signature look of a certain Jeffrey Dahmer is hardly a happy one, there is a certain subtle ironic humor to reaching for enormous eyewear when being sued by a former optometrist. The other celebrity pro when it comes to a courtroom wink? When Winona Ryder was on trial in Los Angeles for shoplifting in 2002 she wore a girlish trompe l’oeil Peter Pan collar dress by Marc Jacobs, one of the designers whose pieces she stood accused of stealing.
Go green
Whether in court for reckless endangerment at a strip club in (Cardi B, 2018) or driving under the influence (Lindsay Lohan, 2002), it’s hardly a peak PR moment for an A-lister when they find themselves on trial. Luckily, Paltrow has avoided additional eco-flack by drinking from bottles made of glass instead of plastic. After all, the actor is famous for advocating for the emotional life of water and no one wants to be additionally accused of indulging in single-use plastic.
Make the most of your assets.
The Twittersphere has delighted in the conversation between Paltrow and the plaintiff’s lawyer, Kristin Van Orman, an unlikely Swiftie who quizzed the actor about her friendship with the megastar musician. An equally odd moment? Van Orman (in a cornflower-blue suit) expressing her envy over the 5’10” Paltrow’s relatively statuesque frame.
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This post was originally posted in British
